writing | My Site 1

[ 4am ]

rising

before the morning sun

peeks over the horizon

ice frosts the grass

and quiet gray skies

give the world a new lens;

empty streets

green lights and street lamps

illuminate the city

if only for me:

another

dead tired insomniac

living a recycled routine

motivated by the promise

of caffeine.

[ sorry ]

he left me

head in my hands

hot tears streaming down my cheeks

a twisted knot of raw emotion

and self loathing barely held together

by the skin of my teeth.

[ eulogy ]

I will be sad for you

when your flowers wither

and they pass around the tissues

wiping their noses and soaking the tears

from their eyes, tossing around memories

like you were breathing just yesterday;

like you haven't been gone

for eight years and two months.

I will be sad for you

when she calls late at night,

asking for you, wondering

why you were taken from us.

I will be sad for you

when your name is spoken

in a whisper from her lips

for the very last time

but

will you be sad for me

when my memory fades

my eyes close

and

I can no longer

remember

who you were?

[ do it yourself is always more fun ]

ignoring warnings

like a seasoned professional,

foregoing gloves means

messy neon minty dye

stains the tips of my fingers -

a rather small price to pay

to be pretty in pink.

dozens

of cotton candy corkscrews

balance precariously under a worn

floral shower cap, saturating color.

coconut oil and vanilla bean

are a match made in heaven

massaged into my scalp

as warm rose tinted water

swirls down the drain.

delicate silky soft curls

rest on my shoulders -

a subtle reminder

that this satisfying

semi permanent pop of color

will eventually fade over time:

a sweet bubblegum tragedy.

[ carefree ]

skating shy circles

this predetermined path

feels so familiar

there's a certain comfort

in these worn brown skates

laced

tight

with faded neon orange wheels,

"perfect for beginners."

nostalgia

urges my feet forward;

I've always went with the flow

and this is no different

a light breeze meets my face

as others pass me by,

immersed

in their own experience

full of laughter

and authentic smiles

letting go

seems like such a risk

but everyone knows

practice makes perfect.

[ confession ]

holding me closer

than you ever had before

your hands on my hips

your lips on my cheek,

I could feel

the honesty

in your words

as your lips parted

against my skin

whispering

what I never

imagined

you'd admit.

[ guess what? ]

you are a butterfly

and I am a caterpillar

awaiting my new life

in metamorphosis.

you are the wind

swaying

through the trees,

and I am the leaves

dancing on the forest floor.

you are the moon

pulling the waves

to the edge of the sand

each night,

and I am the tide

blissfully unaware

and following your lead.

[ do I still exist to you? ]

shot in the dark

straight through the heart

shadows danced before my eyes

as you whispered a silent goodbye

your grip on me loosened

and I fell back into the void.

the world around me fades

dim and technicolor, surreal

as if I were only dreaming;

disconnected and alone

my voice echoes, hollow,

"I hope she eats your heart."

[ untitled ]

last week

I wished for things to be different

but this isn't what I had in mind

a delirium of tangled sheets

smeared eyes and sealed lips

buried in memory foam,

withdrawn and alone.

your thoughts

are so guarded

and well hidden

sometimes I feel as if

I am simply unlucky

and lost the key.

[ How do you love me? ]

let me tell you the ways

I love you purely

the way the sun loves the moon

hiding out of sight to let her shine each night.

I love you freely

the way the waves break over the bay

no matter how often they are sent back.

I love you

as lightly as the evening spring breeze,

as deep as the darkest depths of the sea.

I love you

as constant as my shadow

always following wherever I go.

I love you

like the promise of tomorrow

quietly lingering in time.

I'll always love you

with all of the happiness

that you bring.

[ 6am ]

a stranger sat beside me

this morning as the sun rose

over the damp parking lot,

purple clouds reflected

in puddles on the pavement

like bruises across my skin.

silently, we stared out at

dark sky as swollen gray waves

of exhaustion streamed down

my cheeks. bright light peeks

from behind the clouds: a new day.

my mind twisted into tight knots

and all I could think about

were your hands:

empty, caught

constantly grasping

you never learned that

some things were just

too fragile to hold.

[ daydreaming ]

soft sunlight

plays lightly against your skin

mellow and forgiving

illuminating imperfections -

pieces of you so often unseen.

delicate moments

suspended in emotion

genuine, unfiltered

honest, raw.

just a fragment

of a different time

somewhere bright and new

a world we never knew.

[ there is hope, there is help ]

2,000 miles from home,

thick fog covers the dense

evergreen tree line. a mix

of mud and rain sloshes

beneath my feet; a worn trail

of footprints has led me here.

snowcapped mountains

linger in the distant skyline

overlooking the St. John's bridge,

grand and complex in its towering

height above the Willamette river,

whose tinted green waters offer

an escape from this beautiful

place where I feel so alone

stranded so far from home.

[ november ]

lonely

tuesday mornings

come and go

leaves blowing

softly

in the wind,

my hair

dancing

around my neck

like a noose

threatening

to tighten

at any

given

moment.

[ faith ]

I don't

believe

in heaven

or praying

for someone

to forgive me

but

I sure

as hell

believe

in you.