2022
[ 4am ]
rising
before the morning sun
peeks over the horizon
ice frosts the grass
and quiet gray skies
give the world a new lens;
empty streets
green lights and street lamps
illuminate the city
if only for me:
another
dead tired insomniac
living a recycled routine
motivated by the promise
of caffeine.
[ sorry ]
he left me
head in my hands
hot tears streaming down my cheeks
a twisted knot of raw emotion
and self loathing barely held together
by the skin of my teeth.
[ eulogy ]
I will be sad for you
when your flowers wither
and they pass around the tissues
wiping their noses and soaking the tears
from their eyes, tossing around memories
like you were breathing just yesterday;
like you haven't been gone
for eight years and two months.
I will be sad for you
when she calls late at night,
asking for you, wondering
why you were taken from us.
I will be sad for you
when your name is spoken
in a whisper from her lips
for the very last time
but
will you be sad for me
when my memory fades
my eyes close
and
I can no longer
remember
who you were?
[ carefree ]
skating shy circles
this predetermined path
feels so familiar and
there's a certain comfort
in these worn brown skates
laced
up
tight
with faded neon orange wheels,
"perfect for beginners."
nostalgia
urges my feet forward;
I've always went with the flow
and this is no different.
a light breeze meets my face
as others pass me by,
immersed
in their own experience
full of laughter
and authentic smiles.
letting go
seems like such a risk
but everyone knows
practice makes perfect.
[ confession ]
holding me closer
than you ever had before
your hands on my hips
your lips on my cheek,
I could feel
the honesty
in your words
as your lips parted
against my skin
whispering
what I never
imagined
you'd admit.
[ guess what? ]
you are a butterfly
and I am a caterpillar
awaiting my new life
in metamorphosis.
you are the wind
swaying
through the trees,
and I am the leaves
dancing on the forest floor.
you are the moon
pulling the waves
to the edge of the sand
each night,
and I am the tide
blissfully unaware
and following your lead.
[ do I still exist to you? ]
shot in the dark
straight through the heart
shadows danced before my eyes
as you whispered a silent goodbye
your grip on me loosened
and I fell back into the void.
the world around me fades
dim and technicolor, surreal
as if I were only dreaming;
disconnected and alone
my voice echoes, hollow,
"I hope she eats your heart."
[ 6am ]
a stranger sat beside me
this morning as the sun rose
over the damp parking lot,
purple clouds reflected
in puddles on the pavement
like bruises across my skin.
silently, we stared out at
dark sky as swollen gray waves
of exhaustion streamed down
my cheeks. bright light peeks
from behind the clouds: a new day.
my mind twisted into tight knots
and all I could think about
were your hands:
empty, caught
constantly grasping
you never learned that
some things were just
too fragile to hold.
[ daydreaming ]
soft sunlight
plays lightly against your skin
mellow and forgiving
illuminating imperfections -
pieces of you so often unseen.
delicate moments
suspended in emotion
genuine, unfiltered
honest, raw.
just a fragment
of a different time
somewhere bright and new
a world we never knew.
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[ november ]
lonely
tuesday mornings
come and go
like
leaves blowing
softly
in the wind,
my hair
dancing
around my neck
like a noose
threatening
to tighten
at any
given
moment.
[ faith ]
I don't
believe
in heaven
or praying
for someone
to forgive me
but
I sure
as hell
believe
in you.
[ do it yourself is always more fun ]
ignoring warnings
like a seasoned professional,
foregoing gloves means
messy neon minty dye
stains the tips of my fingers -
a rather small price to pay
to be pretty in pink.
dozens
of cotton candy corkscrews
balance precariously under a worn
floral shower cap, saturating color.
coconut oil and vanilla bean
are a match made in heaven
massaged into my scalp
as warm rose tinted water
swirls down the drain.
delicate silky soft curls
rest on my shoulders -
a subtle reminder
that this satisfying
semi permanent pop of color
will eventually fade over time:
a sweet bubblegum tragedy.
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[ untitled ]
last week
I wished for things to be different
but this isn't what I had in mind:
a delirium of tangled sheets
smeared eyes and sealed lips
buried in memory foam,
withdrawn and alone.
your thoughts
are so guarded
and well hidden
sometimes I feel as if
I am simply unlucky
and lost the key.
[ How do you love me? ]
let me tell you the ways
I love you purely
the way the sun loves the moon
hiding out of sight to let her shine each night.
I love you freely
the way the waves break over the bay
no matter how often they are sent back.
I love you
as lightly as the evening spring breeze,
as deep as the darkest depths of the sea.
I love you
as constant as my shadow
always following wherever I go.
I love you
like the promise of tomorrow
quietly lingering in time.
I'll always love you
with all of the happiness
that you bring.
[ there is hope, there is help ]
2,000 miles from home,
thick fog covers the dense
evergreen tree line. a mix
of mud and rain sloshes
beneath my feet; a worn trail
of footprints has led me here.
snowcapped mountains
linger in the distant skyline
overlooking the St. John's bridge,
grand and complex in its towering
height above the Willamette river,
whose tinted green waters offer
an escape from this beautiful
place where I feel so alone
stranded so far from home.
